It was only 6 a.m., but the sun was already progressing on its upward journey in the eastern sky, and thus illuminating the Seiretei to a great extent. One recalls at times like this that daybreak comes sooner than usual in the summer.
Each of the Captains, Lieutenants, and Chosen Ones had punctually gathered on top of Sōkyoku Hill, save for the Head Captain himself. The fact that the Head Captain failed to show up on time when he was the one who had set the time in the first place elicited many an animadversion from the about-to-be vacationers.
“I knew the old fart wouldn’t be here.” Kyoraku said, shaking his head in disappointment; “And to think that he gets all worked up when one of us—parenthetically, Shunsui Kyoraku—doesn’t show up on time...”
“Yes, the Head Captain isn’t exactly known to be punctual.” Ukitake said a little less harshly.
“People of his age and social status are free to be hypocrites without fearing retribution or ostracism.” Mayuri said bitterly. He was secretly not very fond of the Head Captain; ever since the latter denied him permission to castrate His Head Captainship to see if it had any physiological effects on him.
“You’re not entitled to be lecturing us about hypocrisy,” Soifon said disapprovingly; “Don’t think we don’t know about the cheap tricks you employ in battle.”
“Exactly!” Uryu said. “He didn’t even warn me that he had an extendable arm and a sickle stowed away in an ear, and it’s definitely not fair that he uses a drug to grow his limbs back once you’ve cut them off!” He hadn’t forgotten how much trouble their battle had caused him: he’d lost all his goddamn powers!
“Justice for the sake of Justice is what Justice really is.” Captain Komamura said solemnly.
“C-captain Komamura,” Shūhei said weakly; “Could you please not try to sound like Captain Tousen?”
“The irony!” Mayuri said with asperity; “First you accuse me of hypocrisy, and then you start talking about Former Captain Tousen as though nothing has happened!”
“He’s right:” Kyoraku said, “Tousen’s the biggest hypocrite. That son of a—”
“Eep!” squealed Shūhei uncharacteristically; “Could we please stop talking about Captain Tousen like that? It hurts!”
“Quiet, Lieutenant Hisagi! We are not through with Tousen yet. Anyway, Tousen was a hypocrite of the highest rank.” Soifon said with immense conviction.
“That’s right: he killed in the name of Peace, and betrayed us in the name of Justice.” Komamura said. Tousen’s betrayal had affected him the most, for obvious reasons.
“And not only that: he patronized everyone!” Iba added. He’s disliked Tousen ever since the latter once remarked that Iba’s indolence made Justice rusty.
“I admit that I finally see the light now.” Komamura went on; “I suppose Tousen’s blindness had rubbed off on me.”
“Or maybe it’s because you decided to trash that damn helmet of yours.” Zaraki said.
“Could be. And for that I owe you my thanks, Kenpachi Zaraki.” Komamura gave Zaraki a short bow. It was, after all, Zaraki who broke his helmet during their brief battle right before Aizen’s betrayal became official and public.
“Don’t mention it.” Zaraki said; “I did it to buy myself a few laughs.”
“If that is the case, then I take back my thanks.”
“Suit yourself.”
“And here comes Old Man Yama and Lieutenant Sasakibe!” Kyoraku said waving at his old sensei.
“I trust you didn’t have to wait too long,” Yamamoto said. It was more of a statement. “There was a certain matter that required my attention. Now that I’ve taken care of it, let’s get moving.”
Judging by the fact that Sasakibe looked especially sour that day, it wasn’t hard to guess that the matter in question was simply a case of conflicting opinions between the Head Captain and his lieutenant—a very common thing.
The group of Kido Corps following Yamamoto was rendered invisible by his broad physique; that coupled with the fact that Yamamoto was generally the singular center of attention wherever he went.
The group of the four veiled Kido Corps split into two separate groups of two and positioned themselves—one group facing the other. They folded their hands as if in prayer and began muttering something under their breath. They probably did so in order to prevent the bystanders from hearing their incantations, which leads one to believe that Kido was an extremely embarrassing form of art. Soul Reapers who know how to use Kido are generally familiar with its senseless incantations to a degree.
The Kido Corps stared in awe as a large Senkai Gate began materializing before their very eyes.
“Apparently they expected it to fail.” Rukia said dryly.
“There’s a reason we summon the Kido Corps as a last resort.” Renji said. “Last year, we had to stand here for hours because one of them had said the wrong incantation. By the time he realized it, half a Senkai Gate appeared. Can you believe it? Half a fucking gate!”
“Watch your tongue, Renji.” Byakuya snapped. “The Head Captain doesn’t take lightly to crude, Rukongai-type language.”
“Captain, you can’t single out Rukongai like that!” Renji was excessively patriotic about his homeland, even if proclaiming it meant disgracing himself.
“The Seiretei is a holy place,” Byakuya said, and then, almost as an afterthought, added, “where the majority comprises bloodthirsty mongrels that kill for fun and saké...”
“Was that a joke you just made?” Renji asked incredulously.
“It was a solemn statement of a dark fact.” Byakuya said; “Which I may have subconsciously intended as a joke.”
Renji and Rukia could have fainted on the spot.
“The gate is taking a rather long time to appear.” Mayuri complained. “The Kido Corps have been infuriatingly useless ever since... ever since they were formed.”
One of the Kido corps shot a wave of Kido at Mayuri, which hit his hat and spun it around.
“What the...?” Mayuri exclaimed, straightening his hat and looking around for the object that hit it. Finding nothing, he uttered an expletive too complex for the average mind to comprehend, and resigned himself to plotting grotesque ends for his lab specimens.
The offending Kido Corp chuckled inaudibly behind his thick veil and proceeded to will the goddamn Senkai Gate to hasten its materialization.
“What’s taking that shit so long to appear?” Zaraki cursed. He disliked Kido for reasons that were closely related to his being the Captain of Squad 11—the squad that believed that sword-fighting was the only way to fight and that Kido was for cowards who lacked the balls to face their enemies up close.
“Rukia,” Byakuya said; “You’ve spent quite some time in the World of the Living. You can help me a little here. You see, I fail to understand how Captain Zaraki just inserted the word ‘shit’ in place of ‘Senkai Gate’ and was able to make sense. It must be some sort of linguistic flexibility that people of the World of the Living and Rukongai possess that separates them from us nobles.”
Rukia had to bite her lip to suppress her laughter. She made a mental note to tell Byakuya later on that he should never—never, ever—use the word ‘shit’ because it just didn’t sound right.
“Why don’t you ask Captain Zaraki yourself?” Rukia suggested politely.
“I can’t do that.” Byakuya said; “He would ask for a battle with me in return.”
“Which you could easily give him, couldn’t you?”
“Yeah, Byakuya, don’t tell me you’re afraid of fighting Kenpachi.” Ichigo said, barging into their conversation like a missile.
“I’m not afraid of fighting Captain Zaraki.” Byakuya said, feeling offended; “I can’t exactly explain why I’m reluctant to engage him in battle, but I suppose you would know the reason. I’ve learned that Captain Zaraki has taken a particular interest in you.”
“What for?” Hitsugaya said, walking up to them.
“Because I beat the shit out him.” Ichigo said.
“And got your own shit squeezed out in the process.” Zaraki said, walking up haughtily to Ichigo.
“There, see?” Byakuya said to Rukia. “Both of them made complete sense. I don’t know how.”
“If you’re done, we can leave.” Yamamoto called out impatiently to the endlessly augmenting group of conversers.
“Yes,” all of them said hastily, lining up in front of the gate like obedient schoolchildren at the bus stop.
“Open!” Yamamoto said in a booming, authoritative voice, spreading his arms wide.
Everyone waited expectantly.
Nothing happened.
Yamamoto cleared his throat. “Open!” he said again, a little louder this time.
Nothing happened.
“Damn this shit!” Zaraki said.
“This shit doesn’t work!” Kurotsuchi said.
“This gate is nothing but shit!” Komamura said.
Byakuya looked at each of them with mild admiration in his gray eyes.
“Silence!” Yamamoto said. He turned to the Kido Corps. “Open the gate!” he ordered.
The four Kido Corps folded their hands again and began muttering incantations similar to the last ones in an undertone. A short while later, the gate began opening with what appeared to be reluctance.
“Trust them to haul in a dysfunctional gate.” Shūhei said contemptuously. “This is injustice.”
“Shūhei, quit your jabbering and come help me with this.” Rangiku said. She was trailing a little behind the rest of the group because of the large, heavy sack she was carrying.
“It’s saké.” Rangiku whispered, winking, once Shūhei relieved her of the load. “We have to keep it a secret from my captain or he’ll confiscate the whole thing.”
“Rangiku, you don’t happen to have saké bottles in there, do you?” Hitsugaya asked suspiciously.
Rangiku nearly jumped out of her skin. “C-captain! Were you there all this time?” she demanded.
“No, I just came here. I was curious.”
“Well,” Rangiku said, laughing sheepishly. “This sack doesn’t have saké bottles in it.”
“Oh? Then what does it have?”
“Anything but saké bottles.” Rangiku said. She cursed herself mentally for even hoping that her captain would believe her.
“All right, Rangiku.” Hitsugaya said; “I believe you. But remember, drinking too much saké isn’t good.”
Rangiku almost laughed in relief. She would have if she hadn’t realized that the three of them were the only ones left.
“Quickly!” Hitsugaya said, making a dash for the gate; “The gate’s closing!”
They made it in the nick of time: the hem of Rangiku’s hakama was momentarily caught in the gate.
“Phew.” she said; “That was close.”
“We have to hurry.” Hitsugaya said; “It looks like the others have already reached.”
“How heartless of them,” Shūhei said, “leaving us behind like that. It’s like they’ve never heard of justi—”
“Say that word one more time and I’ll censor it. Understand?” Hitsugaya said menacingly, pointing his Zanpakutō at Shūhei’s chest.
Shūhei swallowed nervously, and nodded.
“Now let’s move it already.” Hitsugaya said, marching down the dark path as though he were the only one who knew the way. This was true to an extent, because unregulated saké consumption on the two lieutenants’ parts had corroded their memories somewhat.
After what seemed to be an eternity of walking, and Hitsugaya’s confirming that only five minutes had passed, the other end of the inter-dimensional passage was finally visible.
When they stepped into the light, Rangiku’s jaw fell open in astonishment. She stepped fully out of the gate and didn’t even notice it closing behind her, taking a bit of her hakama with it. She looked to her left, and all she saw was a vast expanse of green, ending in the distance where a wood started. She looked in front of her and all she saw was a vast expanse of green, ending at a large lake, and continuing beyond that until it merged with the wood. She looked to her right and saw a vast expanse of green with several cabins planted a little distance off from the lake, beyond which the expanse of green continued until the wood blocked its way. She turned around and looked behind her and saw the wood.
“My goodness!” Rangiku said in sheer astonishment. “Nothing’s changed!”
“It’s the Meadows, Rangiku; nothing can change.” Hitsugaya said; “Quit behaving like it’s your first time here, and let’s keep moving. The others have probably settled down already.”
The field was so vast that they it took them over a dozen flashsteps to reach the cabins. At a glance, one might say that the Meadows was about as large as the Seiretei.
“There they are!” Kyoraku said gleefully upon seeing the tardy trio; “We were beginning to wonder if you were caught in the restrictive currents!”
“I don’t see why you should sound so happy.” Hitsugaya said coldly. “At any rate, we were simply late.”
“Hey, Toshiro!” Ichigo said, and Hitsugaya was this short of exploding. “This is some place you guys have. Byakuya refused point-blank, and Renji and the other lieutenants have disappeared, so could you fill me in?”
Hitsugaya was unable to come up with an excuse to avert the fate of having to behave like Ichigo’s tour guide. He sighed in defeat. “The Meadows is this large field, as you can plainly see, with this large lake in its midst, and surrounded by a thin strip of forest that hides the ugly dimensional barrier from view.” he explained succinctly.
“Oh,” Ichigo said. He turned his attention to the lake, where he saw Byakuya and Zaraki sitting on two large rocks on the shore, holding what appeared to be fishing rods. “So he wasn’t kidding...” Ichigo noted.
“Breakfast is ready, everyone!” Captain Unohana called pleasantly, holding a large triangular dinner bell in her hand and ringing it as though she’d never rung it before.
Ichigo watched with fascination as a crowd gathered around the place where he guessed breakfast was being served.
The food had better be as good as they make it seem, Ichigo thought as he went and joined the crowd.
Each of the Captains, Lieutenants, and Chosen Ones had punctually gathered on top of Sōkyoku Hill, save for the Head Captain himself. The fact that the Head Captain failed to show up on time when he was the one who had set the time in the first place elicited many an animadversion from the about-to-be vacationers.
“I knew the old fart wouldn’t be here.” Kyoraku said, shaking his head in disappointment; “And to think that he gets all worked up when one of us—parenthetically, Shunsui Kyoraku—doesn’t show up on time...”
“Yes, the Head Captain isn’t exactly known to be punctual.” Ukitake said a little less harshly.
“People of his age and social status are free to be hypocrites without fearing retribution or ostracism.” Mayuri said bitterly. He was secretly not very fond of the Head Captain; ever since the latter denied him permission to castrate His Head Captainship to see if it had any physiological effects on him.
“You’re not entitled to be lecturing us about hypocrisy,” Soifon said disapprovingly; “Don’t think we don’t know about the cheap tricks you employ in battle.”
“Exactly!” Uryu said. “He didn’t even warn me that he had an extendable arm and a sickle stowed away in an ear, and it’s definitely not fair that he uses a drug to grow his limbs back once you’ve cut them off!” He hadn’t forgotten how much trouble their battle had caused him: he’d lost all his goddamn powers!
“Justice for the sake of Justice is what Justice really is.” Captain Komamura said solemnly.
“C-captain Komamura,” Shūhei said weakly; “Could you please not try to sound like Captain Tousen?”
“The irony!” Mayuri said with asperity; “First you accuse me of hypocrisy, and then you start talking about Former Captain Tousen as though nothing has happened!”
“He’s right:” Kyoraku said, “Tousen’s the biggest hypocrite. That son of a—”
“Eep!” squealed Shūhei uncharacteristically; “Could we please stop talking about Captain Tousen like that? It hurts!”
“Quiet, Lieutenant Hisagi! We are not through with Tousen yet. Anyway, Tousen was a hypocrite of the highest rank.” Soifon said with immense conviction.
“That’s right: he killed in the name of Peace, and betrayed us in the name of Justice.” Komamura said. Tousen’s betrayal had affected him the most, for obvious reasons.
“And not only that: he patronized everyone!” Iba added. He’s disliked Tousen ever since the latter once remarked that Iba’s indolence made Justice rusty.
“I admit that I finally see the light now.” Komamura went on; “I suppose Tousen’s blindness had rubbed off on me.”
“Or maybe it’s because you decided to trash that damn helmet of yours.” Zaraki said.
“Could be. And for that I owe you my thanks, Kenpachi Zaraki.” Komamura gave Zaraki a short bow. It was, after all, Zaraki who broke his helmet during their brief battle right before Aizen’s betrayal became official and public.
“Don’t mention it.” Zaraki said; “I did it to buy myself a few laughs.”
“If that is the case, then I take back my thanks.”
“Suit yourself.”
“And here comes Old Man Yama and Lieutenant Sasakibe!” Kyoraku said waving at his old sensei.
“I trust you didn’t have to wait too long,” Yamamoto said. It was more of a statement. “There was a certain matter that required my attention. Now that I’ve taken care of it, let’s get moving.”
Judging by the fact that Sasakibe looked especially sour that day, it wasn’t hard to guess that the matter in question was simply a case of conflicting opinions between the Head Captain and his lieutenant—a very common thing.
The group of Kido Corps following Yamamoto was rendered invisible by his broad physique; that coupled with the fact that Yamamoto was generally the singular center of attention wherever he went.
The group of the four veiled Kido Corps split into two separate groups of two and positioned themselves—one group facing the other. They folded their hands as if in prayer and began muttering something under their breath. They probably did so in order to prevent the bystanders from hearing their incantations, which leads one to believe that Kido was an extremely embarrassing form of art. Soul Reapers who know how to use Kido are generally familiar with its senseless incantations to a degree.
The Kido Corps stared in awe as a large Senkai Gate began materializing before their very eyes.
“Apparently they expected it to fail.” Rukia said dryly.
“There’s a reason we summon the Kido Corps as a last resort.” Renji said. “Last year, we had to stand here for hours because one of them had said the wrong incantation. By the time he realized it, half a Senkai Gate appeared. Can you believe it? Half a fucking gate!”
“Watch your tongue, Renji.” Byakuya snapped. “The Head Captain doesn’t take lightly to crude, Rukongai-type language.”
“Captain, you can’t single out Rukongai like that!” Renji was excessively patriotic about his homeland, even if proclaiming it meant disgracing himself.
“The Seiretei is a holy place,” Byakuya said, and then, almost as an afterthought, added, “where the majority comprises bloodthirsty mongrels that kill for fun and saké...”
“Was that a joke you just made?” Renji asked incredulously.
“It was a solemn statement of a dark fact.” Byakuya said; “Which I may have subconsciously intended as a joke.”
Renji and Rukia could have fainted on the spot.
“The gate is taking a rather long time to appear.” Mayuri complained. “The Kido Corps have been infuriatingly useless ever since... ever since they were formed.”
One of the Kido corps shot a wave of Kido at Mayuri, which hit his hat and spun it around.
“What the...?” Mayuri exclaimed, straightening his hat and looking around for the object that hit it. Finding nothing, he uttered an expletive too complex for the average mind to comprehend, and resigned himself to plotting grotesque ends for his lab specimens.
The offending Kido Corp chuckled inaudibly behind his thick veil and proceeded to will the goddamn Senkai Gate to hasten its materialization.
“What’s taking that shit so long to appear?” Zaraki cursed. He disliked Kido for reasons that were closely related to his being the Captain of Squad 11—the squad that believed that sword-fighting was the only way to fight and that Kido was for cowards who lacked the balls to face their enemies up close.
“Rukia,” Byakuya said; “You’ve spent quite some time in the World of the Living. You can help me a little here. You see, I fail to understand how Captain Zaraki just inserted the word ‘shit’ in place of ‘Senkai Gate’ and was able to make sense. It must be some sort of linguistic flexibility that people of the World of the Living and Rukongai possess that separates them from us nobles.”
Rukia had to bite her lip to suppress her laughter. She made a mental note to tell Byakuya later on that he should never—never, ever—use the word ‘shit’ because it just didn’t sound right.
“Why don’t you ask Captain Zaraki yourself?” Rukia suggested politely.
“I can’t do that.” Byakuya said; “He would ask for a battle with me in return.”
“Which you could easily give him, couldn’t you?”
“Yeah, Byakuya, don’t tell me you’re afraid of fighting Kenpachi.” Ichigo said, barging into their conversation like a missile.
“I’m not afraid of fighting Captain Zaraki.” Byakuya said, feeling offended; “I can’t exactly explain why I’m reluctant to engage him in battle, but I suppose you would know the reason. I’ve learned that Captain Zaraki has taken a particular interest in you.”
“What for?” Hitsugaya said, walking up to them.
“Because I beat the shit out him.” Ichigo said.
“And got your own shit squeezed out in the process.” Zaraki said, walking up haughtily to Ichigo.
“There, see?” Byakuya said to Rukia. “Both of them made complete sense. I don’t know how.”
“If you’re done, we can leave.” Yamamoto called out impatiently to the endlessly augmenting group of conversers.
“Yes,” all of them said hastily, lining up in front of the gate like obedient schoolchildren at the bus stop.
“Open!” Yamamoto said in a booming, authoritative voice, spreading his arms wide.
Everyone waited expectantly.
Nothing happened.
Yamamoto cleared his throat. “Open!” he said again, a little louder this time.
Nothing happened.
“Damn this shit!” Zaraki said.
“This shit doesn’t work!” Kurotsuchi said.
“This gate is nothing but shit!” Komamura said.
Byakuya looked at each of them with mild admiration in his gray eyes.
“Silence!” Yamamoto said. He turned to the Kido Corps. “Open the gate!” he ordered.
The four Kido Corps folded their hands again and began muttering incantations similar to the last ones in an undertone. A short while later, the gate began opening with what appeared to be reluctance.
“Trust them to haul in a dysfunctional gate.” Shūhei said contemptuously. “This is injustice.”
“Shūhei, quit your jabbering and come help me with this.” Rangiku said. She was trailing a little behind the rest of the group because of the large, heavy sack she was carrying.
“It’s saké.” Rangiku whispered, winking, once Shūhei relieved her of the load. “We have to keep it a secret from my captain or he’ll confiscate the whole thing.”
“Rangiku, you don’t happen to have saké bottles in there, do you?” Hitsugaya asked suspiciously.
Rangiku nearly jumped out of her skin. “C-captain! Were you there all this time?” she demanded.
“No, I just came here. I was curious.”
“Well,” Rangiku said, laughing sheepishly. “This sack doesn’t have saké bottles in it.”
“Oh? Then what does it have?”
“Anything but saké bottles.” Rangiku said. She cursed herself mentally for even hoping that her captain would believe her.
“All right, Rangiku.” Hitsugaya said; “I believe you. But remember, drinking too much saké isn’t good.”
Rangiku almost laughed in relief. She would have if she hadn’t realized that the three of them were the only ones left.
“Quickly!” Hitsugaya said, making a dash for the gate; “The gate’s closing!”
They made it in the nick of time: the hem of Rangiku’s hakama was momentarily caught in the gate.
“Phew.” she said; “That was close.”
“We have to hurry.” Hitsugaya said; “It looks like the others have already reached.”
“How heartless of them,” Shūhei said, “leaving us behind like that. It’s like they’ve never heard of justi—”
“Say that word one more time and I’ll censor it. Understand?” Hitsugaya said menacingly, pointing his Zanpakutō at Shūhei’s chest.
Shūhei swallowed nervously, and nodded.
“Now let’s move it already.” Hitsugaya said, marching down the dark path as though he were the only one who knew the way. This was true to an extent, because unregulated saké consumption on the two lieutenants’ parts had corroded their memories somewhat.
After what seemed to be an eternity of walking, and Hitsugaya’s confirming that only five minutes had passed, the other end of the inter-dimensional passage was finally visible.
When they stepped into the light, Rangiku’s jaw fell open in astonishment. She stepped fully out of the gate and didn’t even notice it closing behind her, taking a bit of her hakama with it. She looked to her left, and all she saw was a vast expanse of green, ending in the distance where a wood started. She looked in front of her and all she saw was a vast expanse of green, ending at a large lake, and continuing beyond that until it merged with the wood. She looked to her right and saw a vast expanse of green with several cabins planted a little distance off from the lake, beyond which the expanse of green continued until the wood blocked its way. She turned around and looked behind her and saw the wood.
“My goodness!” Rangiku said in sheer astonishment. “Nothing’s changed!”
“It’s the Meadows, Rangiku; nothing can change.” Hitsugaya said; “Quit behaving like it’s your first time here, and let’s keep moving. The others have probably settled down already.”
The field was so vast that they it took them over a dozen flashsteps to reach the cabins. At a glance, one might say that the Meadows was about as large as the Seiretei.
“There they are!” Kyoraku said gleefully upon seeing the tardy trio; “We were beginning to wonder if you were caught in the restrictive currents!”
“I don’t see why you should sound so happy.” Hitsugaya said coldly. “At any rate, we were simply late.”
“Hey, Toshiro!” Ichigo said, and Hitsugaya was this short of exploding. “This is some place you guys have. Byakuya refused point-blank, and Renji and the other lieutenants have disappeared, so could you fill me in?”
Hitsugaya was unable to come up with an excuse to avert the fate of having to behave like Ichigo’s tour guide. He sighed in defeat. “The Meadows is this large field, as you can plainly see, with this large lake in its midst, and surrounded by a thin strip of forest that hides the ugly dimensional barrier from view.” he explained succinctly.
“Oh,” Ichigo said. He turned his attention to the lake, where he saw Byakuya and Zaraki sitting on two large rocks on the shore, holding what appeared to be fishing rods. “So he wasn’t kidding...” Ichigo noted.
“Breakfast is ready, everyone!” Captain Unohana called pleasantly, holding a large triangular dinner bell in her hand and ringing it as though she’d never rung it before.
Ichigo watched with fascination as a crowd gathered around the place where he guessed breakfast was being served.
The food had better be as good as they make it seem, Ichigo thought as he went and joined the crowd.
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