Conceiver: Nanochip
Playwright: Kaiser W.
[Narrator: Kaiser W.]
Narrator:
On Planet Yardrac, it is the trees that kill humans for nitrogenous compounds and glucose, which they procure through the conversion of human fat.
The trees came with axes, guns, and all other kinds of weapons and began killing human life. Now, there are a very few humans alive on the planet.
Scene 1:
Punk Tree #1: Nyahahahahaha!
Punk Tree #2: Wassup, man?
Punk Tree #1: I’m bored... Hey, let’s go huntin’ today!
Punk Tree #3: Hot, man!
Punk Tree #1: I saw a group of ‘em downwood.
[Narrator: ‘Downwood’ is the downtown of the city of Woodland.]
Good Tree: Uh... Do you really wanna do this, guys?
Punk Tree #2: No, duh? If you wanna stay back at home like a goody-goody, you might as well leave now.
Punk Tree #1: Yeah; we don’t need you - spoilsport!
Narrator: They go downwood, where the humans are cowering under the awning of a store.
Human #1: Oh no... (Starts shivering in fear)
Punk Tree #1: (mockingly;) Little humans--! (Sniggers evilly)
Punk Tree #3: -- Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Good Tree: Well, there’s no one here; let’s just go back.
Punk Tree #2: (ignoring Good Tree;) I’m hungry, so I need an early supper. (Alternative line: “I’m not all that hungry, but I wouldn’t mind an early supper.”)
Punk Tree #1 and Punk Tree #3: Yeah!
Human #2: I’m going to be killed like Mama!
Human #3: Shut up, you... they’ll hear us!
Human #1: As long as we keep quiet, they shouldn’t notice us.
Human #2: Let’s hope...
Punk Tree #1: (stopping and sniffing the air;) They’re close by.
Punk Tree #2: (loudly;) All right, I’m gonna give you exactly 20 seconds to come out! 20... 19...!
Good Tree: You really don’t have to do this!
Punk Tree #2 and Punk Tree #1: (even louder;) 18...!
Human #1: (whimpers;) no...
All three Punk Trees: 17... 16... 15...!
Punk Tree #1: Oh, what the heck-?
All three Punk Trees: 3... 2...!
Human #2: You know what? Trash hope- I’m out of here! (He naïvely walks out into the open.)
Punk Tree #2: Aha! Good move!
Human #1: (shaking his head in frustration;) That fool’s done it!
Human #2: Uh... oh...
Punk Tree #1 kills Human #2
Human #3: RUN!
Human #3 and Human #1 begin to run, but Punk Tree #s 2 and 3 are much faster, hence catching up to the two humans effortlessly and killing them.
Good Tree watches on sadly and sighs.
Good Tree: They’ve done it again. (Alternative line: “For once, can’t they get ahold of themselves?”)
Scene 2:
[Narrator: Kaiser W.]
Narrator:
The trees continue their ruthless rampage of killing humans and finally, there comes a day when a very pitiful number of humans are left.
The trees are starving to death because of the meager carbon dioxide available.
Scene 3:
Narrator 2:
Whereas on Earth... Humans have already realized the importance of trees for their survival. But they continue to hack them down nonetheless...
(Humans hack down the trees.)
If this continues... (Narrator looks at the scene to her side: The humans die.)
... (The narrator sighs, then shrugs.) Well, we might as well dig our own graves.
[Exeunt]
Playwright: Kaiser W.
[Narrator: Kaiser W.]
Narrator:
On Planet Yardrac, it is the trees that kill humans for nitrogenous compounds and glucose, which they procure through the conversion of human fat.
The trees came with axes, guns, and all other kinds of weapons and began killing human life. Now, there are a very few humans alive on the planet.
Scene 1:
Punk Tree #1: Nyahahahahaha!
Punk Tree #2: Wassup, man?
Punk Tree #1: I’m bored... Hey, let’s go huntin’ today!
Punk Tree #3: Hot, man!
Punk Tree #1: I saw a group of ‘em downwood.
[Narrator: ‘Downwood’ is the downtown of the city of Woodland.]
Good Tree: Uh... Do you really wanna do this, guys?
Punk Tree #2: No, duh? If you wanna stay back at home like a goody-goody, you might as well leave now.
Punk Tree #1: Yeah; we don’t need you - spoilsport!
Narrator: They go downwood, where the humans are cowering under the awning of a store.
Human #1: Oh no... (Starts shivering in fear)
Punk Tree #1: (mockingly;) Little humans--! (Sniggers evilly)
Punk Tree #3: -- Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Good Tree: Well, there’s no one here; let’s just go back.
Punk Tree #2: (ignoring Good Tree;) I’m hungry, so I need an early supper. (Alternative line: “I’m not all that hungry, but I wouldn’t mind an early supper.”)
Punk Tree #1 and Punk Tree #3: Yeah!
Human #2: I’m going to be killed like Mama!
Human #3: Shut up, you... they’ll hear us!
Human #1: As long as we keep quiet, they shouldn’t notice us.
Human #2: Let’s hope...
Punk Tree #1: (stopping and sniffing the air;) They’re close by.
Punk Tree #2: (loudly;) All right, I’m gonna give you exactly 20 seconds to come out! 20... 19...!
Good Tree: You really don’t have to do this!
Punk Tree #2 and Punk Tree #1: (even louder;) 18...!
Human #1: (whimpers;) no...
All three Punk Trees: 17... 16... 15...!
Punk Tree #1: Oh, what the heck-?
All three Punk Trees: 3... 2...!
Human #2: You know what? Trash hope- I’m out of here! (He naïvely walks out into the open.)
Punk Tree #2: Aha! Good move!
Human #1: (shaking his head in frustration;) That fool’s done it!
Human #2: Uh... oh...
Punk Tree #1 kills Human #2
Human #3: RUN!
Human #3 and Human #1 begin to run, but Punk Tree #s 2 and 3 are much faster, hence catching up to the two humans effortlessly and killing them.
Good Tree watches on sadly and sighs.
Good Tree: They’ve done it again. (Alternative line: “For once, can’t they get ahold of themselves?”)
Scene 2:
[Narrator: Kaiser W.]
Narrator:
The trees continue their ruthless rampage of killing humans and finally, there comes a day when a very pitiful number of humans are left.
The trees are starving to death because of the meager carbon dioxide available.
Scene 3:
Narrator 2:
Whereas on Earth... Humans have already realized the importance of trees for their survival. But they continue to hack them down nonetheless...
(Humans hack down the trees.)
If this continues... (Narrator looks at the scene to her side: The humans die.)
... (The narrator sighs, then shrugs.) Well, we might as well dig our own graves.
[Exeunt]
3 comments :
Green Day, or Van Mahotsav, as it's known to pretty much everybody but me on this one occasion, demanded tree-themed performances, which we were able to achieve admirably by wearing green shirts. History alone knows how the events preceding this play (which I will be the first to admit is not our best work) unfolded, but I seem to remember sitting in the classroom that had once been the Ship's office (and Class I B in 1999) with Nanochip, surrounded by the people selected to perform in this play. I didn't know at the time what Yardrac was, and still don't, but it seemed an appropriate name for our alternative world. I was the narrator, and was fully conscious that not a soul could understand what I said, but was nevertheless praised afterwards by a middle-school teacher, much to my astonishment.
As an aside, Nanochip was commissioned by a certain Shanty (I know it's not spelt that way, but in her case, it's unusually apropos) to write a play for the same event (Van Mahotsav) for the middle school or some other class of students. Shanty took exception to one particular line, in which a tree or some other being yelled at a woodcutter something to the effect of: "This is all because of you and your kind." She was like, "What do you mean, 'You and your kind'?" I don't know what happened after that, but I was present, and found it amusing for some reason.
OH YEAH, the line was something like, "The oxygen in the air is being depleted by you and your kind."
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