Notes: I wrote this play, and performed it along with a few classmates on January 16, 2008 (or thereabouts) during the farewell party for the 10th grade. (I was still in the 9th then.)
Characters:
1. Caius Cassius - A conspirator against Caesar
2. Marcus Brutus - Cassius’s brother-in-law and another conspirator. A very dear friend of Caesar's.
3. Casca - A third conspirator and also a senator
4. Julius Caesar - The Dictator of Rome who wishes to become Emperor.
5. Calpurnia - Caesar’s wife
6. Portia - Brutus’s wife
7. Mark Antony (Roman - Antonius) - A dear, dear friend of Julius Caesar’s
8. Cicero - A senior senator and an excellent orator
9. Soothsayer - A Soothsayer is a fortune teller
10. Flavius (Mentioned) - A senior tribune of the people of Rome
11. Marallus (Mentioned) - Flavius’ sidekick
[The scene opens in an empty street in Rome
with only the Senator, Cicero, and Casca]
Cicero:
Come Caesar to the Senate tomorrow?
Casca: I don’t know.
Cicero:
[More to himself than Casca]
I shouldn’t have asked...
Anyway, it’s getting dark and I must
prepare for my speech tomorrow.
[Exits]
Casca:
What a night to go on a walk!
Cassius: Psst! Casca! Over here!
Casca:
Who goes there? Julius Caesar?
What are you doing here at this late hour?
Cassius:
I am Cassius, you fool!
Casca:
Your ear is good, Cassius. What a night
it is!
Cassius:
I could see you in the flashlight that
you hold, Casca!
Casca:
Um... Your eye is good?
Cassius:
Let me get to the point -
I wish to kill one with ambition.
Casca:
I will defend myself to the dying
breath!
Cassius:
Not you, you knave! Caesar!
Casca:
Ah. So you seek to kill the great
Caesar?
Cassius:
Yes, wise one. Will you serve the cause?
Casca:
What cause?
Cassius: Will you help kill Caesar?
Casca: I will!
Cassius:
Good.
[Aside] That was easier than I thought.
***
[The next day, The Ides of March, at Caesar’s
residence]
Calpurnia: You shall not stir from your house today!
Caesar:
Caesar shall forth!
Calpurnia: NO!
Caesar:
All right, then - Caesar shall not go forth to
the Senate today.
Calpurnia:
I have also heard that you have been taking
money from innocent civilians, and making promises
to them that are false, and that you've told them
that you will become king?
Caesar:
That’s not true! Caesar were a coward to
borrow money from peasants, telling them
false stories. They would help
him in his campaign.
Cassius:
Good morrow, Caesar! We have come
to take you to the Senate!
Brutus:
I know this - “Caesar shall not forth.” Therefore
I shall not hide from him our true purpose.
Caesar, say your prayers quick and be
done with!
Cassius:
You won't live!
Calpurnia:
No! Brutus No! [Moves Brutus to a corner of the
Stage]
[Aside] It is not the time yet! Don’t you know
that Antonius and the Royal
guards hide behind the doors?
Brutus: [To Caesar]
Caesar, I merely jest! Is not today
your birthday?
Caesar:
Flatter me not, dear Brutus, for I know
your true purpose. If slay me you must,
then slay me you shall.
Antonius: [Running out from inside of the house]
No! Caesar No!
Caesar: [Quickly]
Be quiet, Antonius.
Antonius: [Muttering under his breath]
Caesar: Caesar waits for none, even in death!
[Aside]
Brutus, I know you too well.
You will now stoop before me
and my apparent sense of self-sacrifice
and be humbled once again.
[Laughs evilly]
Brutus:
I shall not disappoint.
Caesar: Huh?
Casca: If you insist!
[They stab Caesar]
Caesar: Et tu, Soothsayer? Then fall Caesar!
Brutus: What is this, Caesar? I did stab you
and there you fell!
Caesar:
Oh, sorry - Et tu, Brute? Then fall Caesar!
Brutus:
That was better.
[Stabs him once again]
Soothsayer: I did warn you against the Ides of
March, but no! You would not listen.
Caesar, t’was in your stars; not to mention
my only prophecy that ever came true.
Cassius: Soot-lad, you speak too much. Kill him,
Casca!
Casca: Ayeeeeeeee!
[Slaughters Soothsayer]
Cicero:
Caesar, the Senate awaits... Oh! What
are you doing on the floor?
Brutus:
Why, I just stabbed him, for Pete’s sake!
Heaven knows how they make simpletons
Senators nowadays...
Cicero:
That’s great! The Senate must hear! Maybe they’ll
even make me King!
[Runs away happily]
Calpurnia:
What happened? What's all the commotion?
Brutus: [Solemnly]
O Calpurnia, your husband has fallen.
Calpurnia: Oh, thank goodness! A few days more and I
would have done it myself!
[Casca clutches his stomach and kneels]
Cassius:
What are you doing, Casca?
Casca:
I do not think I should have
eaten those zebras yesterday!
Cassius:
Aye, sometimes they get stuck.
[Dies]
[Antonius comes stealthily from behind and stabs
Cassius in his kidney]
Cassius: Ah! Who is it that pierces my kidney?
Brutus, I die!
Brutus: No! Cassius! How could you forget
our purpose?
Cassius: What? Caesar died, didn’t he?
[Dies]
Brutus:
Oh yes, I forgot...
Antonius: [Stabs Brutus in the forehead]
Die then, like how Cassius did,
O noble one!
Brutus:
Aaaaah!
Antonius:
Friends, Romans, Countrymen -
Lend me your pockets!
I come here not to mourn
the dead one, but to throw
a banquet in his memory.
May the soul of Casca rest in
peace forever. Gods, bless him, for
He did lend me some gold.
Caesar:
To hell with it Antonius!
I lent you gold, too!
Antonius:
My apologies to you, Caesar,
but Casca lent me more.
Casca:
Banquet? Does this mean I get to eat?
Antonius:
No. This means I get to eat.
Caesar:
I have none left in this world.
Then fall Caesar!
[Antonius shoots him and he dies]
Brutus:
[Aside]
Finally he dies...
Lucius:
Master Brutus! Madam sends her love!
Oh no! Why do you not speak?? Please speak!
Why do you not speak??
Brutus:
I’m dead, fool!
Lucius:
Aah! Mistress! Your husband is dead and yet
he speaks! It is a ghost in human form! Aah!
[Runs away]
Antonius:
I question the Gods! -
Why do the good die young?
Portia: Let’s find out!
[Stabs Antonius with a kitchen knife]
Antonius:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.....!
[Dies and for good]
Calpurnia:
Now what happened? Did the jewelers come?
And why are you holding a kitchen knife?
Portia:
Good morrow, Calpurnia.
Alas, the jewelers have not set
foot in this part of town since Pompey died.
Oh the knife, nothing.
[Quickly hides the knife behind her back]
Calpurnia: That’s too bad *sob, sob*.
What do you seek?
Portia:
I seek my dead husband’s dead body.
What do you seek?
Calpurnia:
Oh, I seek Caesar’s body. He was wearing some
expensive gold. I heard he had to
be shot thrice before he died. He should be
around here, somewhere...
[Finally finds Caesar’s body and begins plucking off
the gold]
Portia: My, my, that is strange.
What is’t o’clock?
Calpurnia: ‘Tis the thirteenth hour.
Portia: My goodness! I must fly to that city fair!
Calpurnia:
My goodness, yes! By Flavius, run!
Portia:
By Marallus, yes!
[Both run away]
Brutus: Such devotion!
Caesar: Totally...
[Exeunt]
Epilogue:
Cicero:
*sob, sob* How could they?
How could they? *sob, sob*
How could they turn Rome into a
Democracy?! *sob, sob, sob*
[Leaves the stage sobbing]
The End
Characters:
1. Caius Cassius - A conspirator against Caesar
2. Marcus Brutus - Cassius’s brother-in-law and another conspirator. A very dear friend of Caesar's.
3. Casca - A third conspirator and also a senator
4. Julius Caesar - The Dictator of Rome who wishes to become Emperor.
5. Calpurnia - Caesar’s wife
6. Portia - Brutus’s wife
7. Mark Antony (Roman - Antonius) - A dear, dear friend of Julius Caesar’s
8. Cicero - A senior senator and an excellent orator
9. Soothsayer - A Soothsayer is a fortune teller
10. Flavius (Mentioned) - A senior tribune of the people of Rome
11. Marallus (Mentioned) - Flavius’ sidekick
[The scene opens in an empty street in Rome
with only the Senator, Cicero, and Casca]
Cicero:
Come Caesar to the Senate tomorrow?
Casca: I don’t know.
Cicero:
[More to himself than Casca]
I shouldn’t have asked...
Anyway, it’s getting dark and I must
prepare for my speech tomorrow.
[Exits]
Casca:
What a night to go on a walk!
Cassius: Psst! Casca! Over here!
Casca:
Who goes there? Julius Caesar?
What are you doing here at this late hour?
Cassius:
I am Cassius, you fool!
Casca:
Your ear is good, Cassius. What a night
it is!
Cassius:
I could see you in the flashlight that
you hold, Casca!
Casca:
Um... Your eye is good?
Cassius:
Let me get to the point -
I wish to kill one with ambition.
Casca:
I will defend myself to the dying
breath!
Cassius:
Not you, you knave! Caesar!
Casca:
Ah. So you seek to kill the great
Caesar?
Cassius:
Yes, wise one. Will you serve the cause?
Casca:
What cause?
Cassius: Will you help kill Caesar?
Casca: I will!
Cassius:
Good.
[Aside] That was easier than I thought.
***
[The next day, The Ides of March, at Caesar’s
residence]
Calpurnia: You shall not stir from your house today!
Caesar:
Caesar shall forth!
Calpurnia: NO!
Caesar:
All right, then - Caesar shall not go forth to
the Senate today.
Calpurnia:
I have also heard that you have been taking
money from innocent civilians, and making promises
to them that are false, and that you've told them
that you will become king?
Caesar:
That’s not true! Caesar were a coward to
borrow money from peasants, telling them
false stories. They would help
him in his campaign.
Cassius:
Good morrow, Caesar! We have come
to take you to the Senate!
Brutus:
I know this - “Caesar shall not forth.” Therefore
I shall not hide from him our true purpose.
Caesar, say your prayers quick and be
done with!
Cassius:
You won't live!
Calpurnia:
No! Brutus No! [Moves Brutus to a corner of the
Stage]
[Aside] It is not the time yet! Don’t you know
that Antonius and the Royal
guards hide behind the doors?
Brutus: [To Caesar]
Caesar, I merely jest! Is not today
your birthday?
Caesar:
Flatter me not, dear Brutus, for I know
your true purpose. If slay me you must,
then slay me you shall.
Antonius: [Running out from inside of the house]
No! Caesar No!
Caesar: [Quickly]
Be quiet, Antonius.
Antonius: [Muttering under his breath]
Caesar: Caesar waits for none, even in death!
[Aside]
Brutus, I know you too well.
You will now stoop before me
and my apparent sense of self-sacrifice
and be humbled once again.
[Laughs evilly]
Brutus:
I shall not disappoint.
Caesar: Huh?
Casca: If you insist!
[They stab Caesar]
Caesar: Et tu, Soothsayer? Then fall Caesar!
Brutus: What is this, Caesar? I did stab you
and there you fell!
Caesar:
Oh, sorry - Et tu, Brute? Then fall Caesar!
Brutus:
That was better.
[Stabs him once again]
Soothsayer: I did warn you against the Ides of
March, but no! You would not listen.
Caesar, t’was in your stars; not to mention
my only prophecy that ever came true.
Cassius: Soot-lad, you speak too much. Kill him,
Casca!
Casca: Ayeeeeeeee!
[Slaughters Soothsayer]
Cicero:
Caesar, the Senate awaits... Oh! What
are you doing on the floor?
Brutus:
Why, I just stabbed him, for Pete’s sake!
Heaven knows how they make simpletons
Senators nowadays...
Cicero:
That’s great! The Senate must hear! Maybe they’ll
even make me King!
[Runs away happily]
Calpurnia:
What happened? What's all the commotion?
Brutus: [Solemnly]
O Calpurnia, your husband has fallen.
Calpurnia: Oh, thank goodness! A few days more and I
would have done it myself!
[Casca clutches his stomach and kneels]
Cassius:
What are you doing, Casca?
Casca:
I do not think I should have
eaten those zebras yesterday!
Cassius:
Aye, sometimes they get stuck.
[Dies]
[Antonius comes stealthily from behind and stabs
Cassius in his kidney]
Cassius: Ah! Who is it that pierces my kidney?
Brutus, I die!
Brutus: No! Cassius! How could you forget
our purpose?
Cassius: What? Caesar died, didn’t he?
[Dies]
Brutus:
Oh yes, I forgot...
Antonius: [Stabs Brutus in the forehead]
Die then, like how Cassius did,
O noble one!
Brutus:
Aaaaah!
Antonius:
Friends, Romans, Countrymen -
Lend me your pockets!
I come here not to mourn
the dead one, but to throw
a banquet in his memory.
May the soul of Casca rest in
peace forever. Gods, bless him, for
He did lend me some gold.
Caesar:
To hell with it Antonius!
I lent you gold, too!
Antonius:
My apologies to you, Caesar,
but Casca lent me more.
Casca:
Banquet? Does this mean I get to eat?
Antonius:
No. This means I get to eat.
Caesar:
I have none left in this world.
Then fall Caesar!
[Antonius shoots him and he dies]
Brutus:
[Aside]
Finally he dies...
Lucius:
Master Brutus! Madam sends her love!
Oh no! Why do you not speak?? Please speak!
Why do you not speak??
Brutus:
I’m dead, fool!
Lucius:
Aah! Mistress! Your husband is dead and yet
he speaks! It is a ghost in human form! Aah!
[Runs away]
Antonius:
I question the Gods! -
Why do the good die young?
Portia: Let’s find out!
[Stabs Antonius with a kitchen knife]
Antonius:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.....!
[Dies and for good]
Calpurnia:
Now what happened? Did the jewelers come?
And why are you holding a kitchen knife?
Portia:
Good morrow, Calpurnia.
Alas, the jewelers have not set
foot in this part of town since Pompey died.
Oh the knife, nothing.
[Quickly hides the knife behind her back]
Calpurnia: That’s too bad *sob, sob*.
What do you seek?
Portia:
I seek my dead husband’s dead body.
What do you seek?
Calpurnia:
Oh, I seek Caesar’s body. He was wearing some
expensive gold. I heard he had to
be shot thrice before he died. He should be
around here, somewhere...
[Finally finds Caesar’s body and begins plucking off
the gold]
Portia: My, my, that is strange.
What is’t o’clock?
Calpurnia: ‘Tis the thirteenth hour.
Portia: My goodness! I must fly to that city fair!
Calpurnia:
My goodness, yes! By Flavius, run!
Portia:
By Marallus, yes!
[Both run away]
Brutus: Such devotion!
Caesar: Totally...
[Exeunt]
Epilogue:
Cicero:
*sob, sob* How could they?
How could they? *sob, sob*
How could they turn Rome into a
Democracy?! *sob, sob, sob*
[Leaves the stage sobbing]
The End
1 comments :
A note on this performance:
It was a travesty for many different reasons, but fortunately not enough people were paying attention to notice. I'm sure it went above the heads of the majority of those present. I remember E. N. Jelly, in particular (three guesses who that is), was sitting in the front row and laughing raucously, no doubt in an attempt not to look silly when everyone else laughed.
The mics, if memory serves, were fewer than we needed, and were performing below par, so not everyone onstage had a mic. This made some of the lines not a little difficult to hear, and I'm quite certain that some of the jokes were lost for this reason.
The poor acting skills of the cast generally aside, certain of our actors had the audacity not to rehearse with the rest of us, either because they were so confident in their acting skills or because they considered it beneath them to do so. The result was that these actors not only fudged their lines, but forgot which characters other members of the cast played. Some scenes were accidentally performed before others, as a result of which we had to skip a few of them impromptu. The whole thing looked so much more ridiculous than we had intended - almost surreal. Brutus' death being alluded to before it had occurred did, for instance.
Now that I think about it, I'm surprised Nanochip and I got these people to do anything at all. The fact that these seemed to have a general awareness of what we were doing should of itself be considered a success on our part.
Post a Comment