Some surprises are pleasant, such as a surprise birthday party when you weren’t expecting one, or a bouquet of flowers from the person you secretly admire. Others are not so pleasant. Say for example a slap to the face without the slightest hint at a warning, or a freak storm in the middle of an otherwise pleasant summer day.
The surprise that visited the Soul Reaper Academy some hundred years ago, however, transcended all kinds of surprises.
“Good morning students,” said the Principal as she walked into the Advanced Class. She positioned her glasses uncomfortably on the bridge of her nose, straightened out a nonexistent crease on her robes, and cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Er, a new student shall be joining you today. He, er, had some affairs that needed to be sorted out and was thus not there when term started. I request you to give him time to, um, fit in, since he’s quite shy, and a little, er, self-conscious as I should imagine. Class, Mayuri Kurotsuchi.”
As the Principal, having stammered and stuttered like never before, walked out of the classroom, in walked something that at first glance was taken to be a species of Greek marble statue whose sculptor was inspired by life on Mars.
The class collectively drew in a sharp breath. Those who were weak of heart emitted a sort of whistling sound, like that produced by steam spouting from a kettle, and collapsed on their desks, upsetting the bottle of ink that they had been in the process of opening and causing its contents to spill over their otherwise immaculate robes.
The stronger and more intrepid people either averted their gaze from the abomination that had walked into their classroom, as if to pretend it didn’t exist, or wrinkled their nose in disgust.
The teacher whose class it was then was fumbling nervously with a piece of chalk behind the desk. Judging by his position he was going to use the chalk as a weapon and the desk as a shield lest the demon before him should attack.
Mayuri cleared his throat authoritatively and said, despite the fact that nobody was listening to him, “The old woman who was here before me already told you my name, so I would not want to waste my time telling it to you again. There are few things I despise more than wasting time, and I will therefore use time frugally and not waste it. Some people tend to waste time, talking about things that have little or no significance, and I am not among those people. I do not waste time.”
Silence ensued.
“This miserable institution, I hear, has no class beyond the Advanced Class—this class—or I wouldn’t have been here.”
Stories hold that at this juncture one student stood up and said dramatically, “Go back to Hueco Mundo!” but it isn’t contained in the records.
“So as I was saying, I sincerely hope that during my stay here I will not have to interact with lowlifes like you, and wish you failure in whatever scientific venture you undertake. That said, I would like to add that you’re the ugliest group of people I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Someone farted loudly, and upon being accused, he hastily said that he had been blowing a raspberry.
Mayuri cleared his throat.
“Now that we are through with all the formalities, You there,” he said, pointing a finger at a girl sitting in the front row. “I wish to sit there.”
The girl ran out of the classroom, clutching her head and screaming like a banshee.
Mayuri stared after her with an amused look on his face.
Then, turning to the classroom, he said, “Boo!” and the entire class ran out, imitating the manner of the girl.
He turned to the teacher.
“Surprise!” he said, and the poor old man passed out.
The surprise that visited the Soul Reaper Academy some hundred years ago, however, transcended all kinds of surprises.
“Good morning students,” said the Principal as she walked into the Advanced Class. She positioned her glasses uncomfortably on the bridge of her nose, straightened out a nonexistent crease on her robes, and cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Er, a new student shall be joining you today. He, er, had some affairs that needed to be sorted out and was thus not there when term started. I request you to give him time to, um, fit in, since he’s quite shy, and a little, er, self-conscious as I should imagine. Class, Mayuri Kurotsuchi.”
As the Principal, having stammered and stuttered like never before, walked out of the classroom, in walked something that at first glance was taken to be a species of Greek marble statue whose sculptor was inspired by life on Mars.
The class collectively drew in a sharp breath. Those who were weak of heart emitted a sort of whistling sound, like that produced by steam spouting from a kettle, and collapsed on their desks, upsetting the bottle of ink that they had been in the process of opening and causing its contents to spill over their otherwise immaculate robes.
The stronger and more intrepid people either averted their gaze from the abomination that had walked into their classroom, as if to pretend it didn’t exist, or wrinkled their nose in disgust.
The teacher whose class it was then was fumbling nervously with a piece of chalk behind the desk. Judging by his position he was going to use the chalk as a weapon and the desk as a shield lest the demon before him should attack.
Mayuri cleared his throat authoritatively and said, despite the fact that nobody was listening to him, “The old woman who was here before me already told you my name, so I would not want to waste my time telling it to you again. There are few things I despise more than wasting time, and I will therefore use time frugally and not waste it. Some people tend to waste time, talking about things that have little or no significance, and I am not among those people. I do not waste time.”
Silence ensued.
“This miserable institution, I hear, has no class beyond the Advanced Class—this class—or I wouldn’t have been here.”
Stories hold that at this juncture one student stood up and said dramatically, “Go back to Hueco Mundo!” but it isn’t contained in the records.
“So as I was saying, I sincerely hope that during my stay here I will not have to interact with lowlifes like you, and wish you failure in whatever scientific venture you undertake. That said, I would like to add that you’re the ugliest group of people I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Someone farted loudly, and upon being accused, he hastily said that he had been blowing a raspberry.
Mayuri cleared his throat.
“Now that we are through with all the formalities, You there,” he said, pointing a finger at a girl sitting in the front row. “I wish to sit there.”
The girl ran out of the classroom, clutching her head and screaming like a banshee.
Mayuri stared after her with an amused look on his face.
Then, turning to the classroom, he said, “Boo!” and the entire class ran out, imitating the manner of the girl.
He turned to the teacher.
“Surprise!” he said, and the poor old man passed out.
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