you can't have your cake and eat it too

Let's embark on a blog entry of a kind that we've never embarked on before. Or... then again, maybe not. I'm not really good with new things anyway. That's why I stick to platitudes when I could have been inventing my own expressions, patenting them, and getting at least a million dollars for each in the process -- aside from fame, glory, and the satisfaction of being a genius. So why did I choose "You can't have your cake and eat it too", you ask? For no particular reason. I couldn't think of a title for an entry so desultory, so I had to stick to irrelevant albeit artistic-sounding adages. Maybe I'll call my next entry "Don't count your chickens before they hatch", or alternatively "Don't count your batch before you catch", referring, of course, to the Reshuffling Tests.

Which reminds me. The last of the Reshuffling Tests has been successfully dealt with and overcome. What remains to be seen is the extent of damage that I've sustained -- which we'll find out when the guys at school tell us which batch we've been put into. There have been rumors going around the place about a dubious plot to create another Super Batch, comprising the forty or so students whose performances were lamentably eclipsed by those of the best fifteen students, who by themselves make up the first Super Batch; "Super Batch" referring to our school's idea of a... what can I say? A Super Batch. The initial idea was that they would whiz through the course for the Super Batch in less time than they would for the rest of us, but it doesn't appear as if they've been able to achieve much in the way of progress. It's been about eight months since that noble batch was formed, with high hopes and everything, and they're still at the same stage in the course as we are. Or so I am to understand. Unfortunately, I don't have any inside people to actually inform me of what exactly goes on in there, but I do know that it has something to do with manslaughter and sacrificing humans by moonlight. That would explain the recent disappearanes of the average exam proctors. It's a pity. They shall be sorely missed. Now actual members of staff will need to take the pains to proctor tests when they could have been doing inestimably more useful things, like, as Nicky has implied, discussing their experiences of sharing a bed with each other's spouse, and in absence, their in-laws. What has this world come to?

I don't have an answer to that question. The answer changes every other day: whenever another Tiger Woods confesses to committing adultery with another Indian politician. It's true. Didn't Tiger Woods mention that? He must have forgotten. The truth, as he happened to have confided to a sea turtle that unfortunately was not in the habit of keeping secrets and told me when it was passing through the Indian Ocean one day, is that Tiger Woods had been meeting secretly with the uglier of the Indian politicians in Tibet for the past five years before his liaisons became public, and had been making a fast buck out of his one-night stands. Because of the enormous amount of political power women in this country have recently been bestowed, Tiger Woods has secretly been made the honorary Chief Minister of all 28 states and the Administrator of all seven union territories, as well as the Real (as opposed to Fake) President; his 36 positions an allusion to the 36 chapters in the Kama Sutra. But unfortunately Tiger Woods' wife dumped him for it. Tiger Woods has hopefully learned his lesson by now. Oh, what do you know? I've just realized that saying "You can't have your cake and eat it too" would actually be relevant at this point. Genius!