I meant 2014, of course, even though I'm about a week too late for it to be meaningful anymore. I figured, since everyone seemed to be doing it, that I might, too. I wouldn't, however, want to leave you with the impression that this post would be any shorter if I were in fact writing about 2015, since the times in which we live, interesting though they may appear, nevertheless fail to excite any kind of passion. I am struggling to find meaning of any sort in life, while I halfheartedly do battle every day with the boredom and ennui that seem to be stalking me with the frightening determination of a movie ghost. I suppose I am a happy person, and I am generally content with the way things are at any given point, which does nothing, I suppose, to assuage my nihilism.
Not that I want it assuaged, since that would require caring in some small degree, which is more than I am capable of - at least at the moment. I am more stultified than innately apathetic, I suppose. College is nearly over, and I still don't know what I want to do with my life, or whether I want to do anything at all. From a solipsistic point of view (somewhat paradoxically, I suppose) I feel that my one life would be rather useless indeed if I didn't achieve recognition in some form, and anonymity would only serve to widen the gap between me and other putatively conscious beings. (Rereading that, I guess I'm not as solipsistic as I may have once believed.) I'm also vaguely sensible that, if I were destined to achieve recognition, there would be some sign of it by now. But nope. None seems to be forthcoming. My only hope now is that someone stumble upon this blog or some other body of work authored by me in a remote age in the future, when, after a nuclear apocalypse or something, no other source of information on our present civilization survives. Probably more realistic if this blog had a physical form.
JK. Lol. XD. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I have used an emoticon in a blog post, so this post is at least somewhat significant. Vague talk about nonexistent feelings aside, I can think of at least one thing that I have been anxious about lately, and that is grad school applications. My first choice seems to be Georgia Tech, as I may or may not have mentioned in a previous post (can't be bothered to go back and check), because I am sufficiently familiar with the work of certain of their faculty and students so that I might just be able to produce an honest and meaningful application. I made the mistake of starting an MEng. application for UC Berkeley because the deadline (January 6) was later than that of the MSc. (December 15). Now I realize that MEng. is quite removed from my "interests", and I don't know what to do with my application. (Not that I have any hope of getting admitted. I'm only applying so that my "list" doesn't look malnourished.) I'm debating whether even to submit it. I think I should, if only so that it feels like I'm still in control of things.
Exactly two more weeks of winter break left. It's hoped that my final semester won't be as boring as the last. It's hoped that in March (or whenever) I shall hear back from Georgia Tech with news that I won't be lowered into the real world just yet, where my fate would forever be sealed, where I would be doomed to live out the rest of my days in anonymity and in accordance with the traditional Indian idea of a life well lived. (Blech.)
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