english speakers of other languages [a rant]

I think a linguistic rant is long overdue. People who know me know that I tend to go on linguistic rants from time to time, inveighing against aspects of English language and usage with all the passion of a great uncle whose earnestness in quotidian politics is sadly not informed by facts. It’s not something I’m necessarily proud of, but it is what it is. Today I felt like ranting about people who criticize English speakers’ attempts at learning their language.

Every now and again you will come across an instance of an English speaker speaking a foreign language (French, German, etc.) with admirable fluency, only to come up against comments like “Almost as good as a native speaker” or, alternatively, “Not anything like a native speaker”. The only proper reaction to comments like this is to screw your face up, and say, “What?” as if the other party said something that made zero sense - which they did.

It strikes me as unfair that English speakers who take up a second language are criticized far more harshly on their efforts than speakers of other languages who try to learn English. If you hear a Dutch person speaking grammatical English with perfect fluency, your first reaction isn’t to click your tongue and say, “Good effort, but you don’t sound like an Englishman yet.” Who even says that? Speakers of other languages - that’s who.

Somehow speakers of other languages seem to think that, unless you sound indistinguishable from a native speaker, you can’t really be said to be fluent in their language. Or maybe they concede that you’re fluent, but those few little mistakes still somehow outweigh everything else.

Speakers of other languages (European languages especially, but other languages, too, even if only subconsciously) wrinkle their nose when they hear someone make an attempt at learning their language. Unless someone speaks French like a native speaker, their efforts are considered far to obscene to be aired in public (I believe the French are known for this kind of thing far more than anyone else). Apparently it is every native French speaker’s solemn duty to protect their beautiful language from being sullied by the earnest second language learner’s tongue. And yet they have no compunction at slurring English words, and then complaining that English is inherently ugly. Really, M. Derriere, a language is only as ugly as you make it sound.

The point in all of this being that English speakers are infinitely less xenophobic linguistically than speakers of other languages (particularly the French). English: 1; other languages: two thumbs way, way down.