Returned to Atlanta for what appears to be my final semester. I still want to seek a second opinion on whether to do a PhD, but in all probability I'm just going to finish my master's and sublate any possibility of achieving greatness in this life. I'm sure someone somewhere is holding back fits of giggles, since the way I'm talking about it seems to imply that all I have to do in order to get a PhD is to desire it. In reality the admissions authorities would probably use my application to wipe their mouths after lunch. Rather than confirm that, I think the prudent thing to do would be to quit while I'm ahead. I will talk to my professor about it, at any rate, and see what he thinks. It's simple after that. If he laughs me out of his office, I'll know not to apply; if he doesn't, then I will think it over and at least apply.
Decisions, decisions.
You might ask me, Where do you picture yourself in five years? Doubtless you'd be of the opinion that you were helping me make a decision. But unfortunately, my answer would be that I would have one foot planted in the realm of fantasy and the other in the past. Having gone through existential crises of varying severity since the age of - let's say - five, I think it's moot whether I'll ever find any purpose to life. I tend to stick with whatever gives me joy in the moment while doing enough in the way of real-world stuff to preserve my pride. That's why I'm wary of the future. I don't want to find out that I may someday not value the things I value today, and that for that reason what I value today was an illusion. I could say a lot more on the subject, but it would be meaningless - duh. I'm sure all that sounded depressive as hell, and I sure as hell am not going to put it on my resume in the upcoming career fair, but I feel the need to assure you, dear reader, that I'm not depressed or anything of the sort.
You might ask me, Where do you picture yourself in five years? Doubtless you'd be of the opinion that you were helping me make a decision. But unfortunately, my answer would be that I would have one foot planted in the realm of fantasy and the other in the past. Having gone through existential crises of varying severity since the age of - let's say - five, I think it's moot whether I'll ever find any purpose to life. I tend to stick with whatever gives me joy in the moment while doing enough in the way of real-world stuff to preserve my pride. That's why I'm wary of the future. I don't want to find out that I may someday not value the things I value today, and that for that reason what I value today was an illusion. I could say a lot more on the subject, but it would be meaningless - duh. I'm sure all that sounded depressive as hell, and I sure as hell am not going to put it on my resume in the upcoming career fair, but I feel the need to assure you, dear reader, that I'm not depressed or anything of the sort.
The humor of Slam Dunk will save me from further incoherency:
3 comments :
I've always wanted to do a PhD for the possibility of going into academia, the honor of having a PhD, or at this point, going into the classiest industrial research.
That being said, every time I hear of depressed PhD students and the difficulties of lab life when they haven't found their place, I reconsider. I tell myself a couple years in the industry is as good as doing a PhD.
Who knows. I'm having a hard time understanding what I should value more, and how I'm supposed to shape my life in the coming years.
Then think of the present - career fair aaaahhhhh oh noes assignment kill mezzz
I've always wanted to do a PhD for the possibility of going into academia, the honor of having a PhD, or at this point, going into the classiest industrial research.
That being said, every time I hear of depressed PhD students and the difficulties of lab life when they haven't found their place, I reconsider. I tell myself a couple years in the industry is as good as doing a PhD.
Who knows. I'm having a hard time understanding what I should value more, and how I'm supposed to shape my life in the coming years.
Then think of the present - career fair aaaahhhhh oh noes assignment kill mezzz
Nothing compares with getting a PhD, of course, but the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm not ready for it yet. Getting a PhD requires at the very least that one be able to carry on a CS conversation at Sasha's level, for instance. At least at career fairs the janitorial option remains open to you.
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